Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I just feel down...



Today is a day that I just want to crawl into my bed and never come out.  Things with my kids have NOT been going good lately, and I don't know what to do.

Bria is a relatively happy baby, but she doesn't sleep well during the day most days, so it's hard to do anything else while she's awake.  She likes a lot of attention, and usually I don't mind giving it to her either, but my back is just getting really sore from holding her all the time.

Rowan, well that's a whole other story.  He is definately in the SUPER terrible 2's.  He won't listen to a word I say, whether I'm calm and relaxed, or threatening with punishments.  I'm to the point of not wanting to take him anywhere, because I just don't feel like dealing with him in public.  It's embarassing and tiring and I'm just done.  I don't even want to take him to visit my family because I feel like the worlds worst mother when I'm there.

When I was younger and dreaming of the day that I would get married and start a family, I always thought I would be a great mom.  Now I'm not so sure that's the case.  I just feel rotten.

Today we were at the church for Women's Breakaway, and I just wanted to run away.  Bria was screaming, Rowan was disobeying, and the ladies were trying to have a prayer time.  We went into the library for awhile and I just choked back the tears because I just didn't know what to do.

Rowan also doesn't want to go to Sunday school anymore, he doesn't want to play with the kids during Women's Breakaway, or go to Junior Church on Sundays.  I feel so bad for Keith, since he hasn't been able to sit in 
Sunday School or Church for a few months now.  He's always 
with Rowan, and I'm with Bria.  There seems to be no point to going there either.

I just really needed to get this all out, so I'm sorry if you are reading this and wish I would just suck it up and be happy.  Today I'm just NOT.

18 comments:

Jay Boaz said...

If it helps at all, I remember when you were pregnant with Rowan, and I was discussing with someone all the upcoming births within the people that we knew.

I distinctly remember saying that you and Keith were one of the few soon-to-be parents' that I had absolutely no worries about because I knew you would be great parents.

And I can tell through your blog how much you love your kids, and how much time you devote to them, and I'd say that makes you one heck of a mom.

I hope thing get a little easier soon!

JBo

stacey said...

hang in there!!! today, i did not know it was even possible for a 3 yr old (mine!) to get in so much trouble in one day!!

Melanie said...

Oh girl, I know how you feel! I will be praying that you will find a way to curb Rowan's less than stellar attitude and that Bria will not want to be held all of the time. Oh my... I know exactly how you feel! God's blessings on you... and thanks for sharing your heart. Makes me pray harder for you today.

HeinrichIrene said...

Stacey thank you for beeing so honest. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels that way sometimes. Heinrich and I were at a point where nothing was like we wanted it to be. So we decided that evrything had to step back. Our kids are our main commission right now. That helped a lot. If there is time that we can do what WE want, fine. If not, we do fun stuff that we all enjoy. The kids are much better because they don' have to fit in a adult world. It also helpes us to know that this is for a short time of our lifes.

Our situation is a little diffrent than yours so you don't have to be that radical :-)

Irene

Michelle said...

well stacey, i can't say i know how you feel, but know that i'm praying for you. Hoping it gets better soon.

Liane said...

Thanks for being so honest...
I don't think you are a bad mom at all. He is just in that stage and you don't have to be embarrassed in front of us (your family) We'll go through the same thing in a couple of years. I think you are doing a great job!

- Liane

Evan and Mel said...

I totally understand what you are talking about. Emmanuel is now 4 and Just recently I have felt like I can take him out again with out any problems. Micah on the other hand is the same age as Rowan and I feel like screaming on any and every day. It also makes me feel like a horrible mom, what was I thinking to have kids and why are we thinking about having our third.
Then there are the good time when everything that has been bad is forgotten.
I just want to encourage you to keep looking ahead, don't be afraid to take breaks and let people know how you feel. I found that locking myself in my bedroom for a minute or two really prevents me from blowing up.

Donna said...

I've been there. There was a time when I didn't go anywhere, and just focused on the "terror kid", it was a season and it ended. Keep your head up and vent to us whenever you want....it helps, I know!

Sheila said...

Well I can certainly say that you're not the first mother to be going through this. I did this too, three times even!
It is hard, and if you ever want a break, I'd gladly take Rowan for an morning.
Maybe he and I can make some drums and "jam". :)

Andrea said...

Oh Stacey...I'm sure...actually I KNOW you and Keith are awesome parents...and trust me, in a year when Rowan is hopefully much better, I'll be coming to you for advice on what in the WORLD to do with Tate! :) We'll definitely be praying for you though! From what I hear, it's pretty normal for 2 (ish) year olds to do this sort of thing...and hey, did you find a mei tai that you liked from Amy May's yet? If not, I could borrow you my ergo (which is comfy and kinda like a mei tai) or another one if you want to try it with Bria...just tell me and I'll bring whichever ones along that you want to try! You can even try my REAL mei tai, although I'll havta steal that one back before I leave since it's the only one that I use with Tate now...just let me know though! :) (it might be easier to figure out what Bria likes if you can try a bunch!)

Dianna said...

Hi Stacey There was a time when I could say well my two children are angels well behaved angels. Now with a 3 year old and a soon to be 2 yr old. I'm tooting a different horn. My 3 yr old is going thru a stage[ Dear Lord HELP ME!!!!!!!!] right now where he's changed overnight for the worst being a grump, a brat, and just not listening and believe me we as parents ARE trying all we can do try this discipline and that nothing seems to work. My 2 ys old seems to get a kick out if watching us and starts to copy her big brother . It's all a big joke to her!! My hands are ties WHAT DO I DO?? WHAT DO WE DO????!!!! I loose patience, I raise my voice [ I never thought that would happen either, but really some days it does] But with God's help this too shall pass we just need to tell ourselves we make mistakes also we are not perfect and with zeal and confidence we will make it! we will prevail! and so will you!!! SO WILL YOU!!
Tonight before I get up form my knees I will mention you in prayer also because we need to pray for one another.

Jobina said...

Wow, we have all been at that point when we have no idea what to do, what the right choice is, how to get out of this mess, etc. I know that when you're down it doesn't help a whole lot for people to just tell you that you are a good Mom, but you know what? You are a good Mom! You are a Mom who loves her children enough to hurt for them and want the best for them. Go ahead and take some time to vent. One time when I was at my wits end with Riker, I went through my Bible, found every verse on patience I could find, wrote them out on construction paper and hung them around my house. It was the process of reading all those verses so frantically that really helped me more than anything and helped me focus on what to do. I'll pray your days look up soon. Take care Stacey.

aunt Monika said...

I think as moms we all go through that stage of feeling like the world's worst mom. I know I had that feeling with all my kids, at different stages in their life. Is it over yet? I don't really know. But I do know that it is a stage and we all grow through those stages - kids and parents. Hang in there because it WILL get better. And remember, you are the BEST mom your kids have:)

mom said...

Stacey...I too felt inadequate as a parent at times. I remember wondering if my life would ever be normal again, or if my kids would 'turn out' despite my mistakes and lack of wisdom in how to deal with certain behaviours. Do you remember the trips we used to make week after week to the farthest possible corner of the church basement for "little chats"? I was thankful I wasn't the only mom going through those issues then, and I know many young moms can feel with you now too. Don't be afraid to reach out to one of them. And, there will be 'rainbow' moments again, I promise!
Rowan may have a little mischievous side (all kids do), but he also has a sweet, gentle, caring side.
I can honestly say I couldn't be more proud of the mother you have become :) You're way ahead of where I was then. Keep trusting God for grace for each day (or moment) and picture your kids as the wonderful persons they will be one day, 'cause I have no doubt that they will be.
BTW - I think it's time for Rowan to come for a visit to N&P's house!

Anonymous said...

Hey Stacey - Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog. It's awesome that you're so real about being a mom, not sugar coating things. I can tell how much you love your kids and want what's best for them. Be encouraged, because you're an encouragement to others. Hang in there!

~ Tara

Tina Kroeker said...

Thanks for sharing! I think that so far I have found ages two and three to be the most difficult with my two oldest boys (they are four and five now). I often felt alone during that time and didn't really reach out to anybody. I think that it is great that you are reaching out to others and it is wonderful how much encouragement you having been getting (it helps to know that you are not alone).
...when I am weak He (God) makes me strong.

anita said...

everyone has already given you wonderful words here...but just for the record...it's okay to stay home the occasional Sunday morning too! have some family time w/o the added stress! works for us! :)

Bruce and Heather said...

Hey Stace, don't ever feel bad about needing help. You know we don't mind helping you with Rowan. I think I'd be going crazy right now too if he was my kid.