Wednesday, January 30, 2008

So I've been thinking...

Last night I just couldn't sleep. I spent a while praying and really wondering where my heart was. See, after my post last night about not winning, I realized how much greed was in my heart. I wanted to win SO BAD! I know this is wrong, and that's why I was wrestling with it last night. Is it ok to want to win? I think it's fine, as long as you aren't dwelling on it, and can deal with it if you don't win. I was definitely not happy about it last night. (Could have a bit to do with the lack of sleep I've had lately. It tends to make me really emotional about everything!)

So, I want to ask you all to forgive me, especially Andrea and Drea. I never wanted to be so full of greed. I'm so sorry that I made a scene.

This song kind of sums up how I've been feeling lately. It just happened to play while me and the kids were driving home from grocery shopping this morning. There is no video, but you can listen to the song here.

Somewhere In The Middle ~ Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender
Without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences,
The God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the alter and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, without losing all control
Lord I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle


Andrea said...

Hey Stacey...I know I already told you this in the email, but I thought I'd post it here too...I forgive you...and there sure are days/weeks, etc. when I feel like what that Casting Crowns song is describing too!

Donna said...

You are so sweet!

Isn't it funny how God teaches us lessons!

Mom said...

Stacey ~ thanks for posting the song - I hadn't heard it before - but how true it can be.
I looked at your last post from the 'lighter' side because I know your heart.
It's ok to wrestle with these things sometimes, as long as we're not consumed by them and we listen to that still small voice which brings us back to where we need to be.
Thanks for your honesty.

Andrea said...

I read both of your entry's. Just remember, we're lucky to even be able to enter to win something FREE!! I wanted to win too - but if I'm thankful I was even able to enter. =)

Drea said...

Hey Stacey,
sorry! im so behind on blogs. It is OK! seriously. I didnt think anything negative towards you from that other post.
I think its good though that we feel conviction and shows the Lord is working in us. So I think its awesome at the same time.

Love casting crowns btw!