This is just a really hard post to write today. I guess I'll start with Thursday evening.
Just before we headed to youth, I was getting ready to go, and while in the washroom, I noticed that I was spotting just a tiny bit. I was very scared, but it was so little that I thought I would still go to youth, and then see how things went. When I got home, I decided to go to the ER. Of course, I was praying the whole way there that there would at least be a female doctor on call. I really really think God was looking out for me the whole way.
When I got to the ER, there was only 1 person in the waiting room! Just 1! That never ever happens. And then when I talked to the nurse at the desk, and she noticed who was my doctor, she said 'Oh, you're lucky, Dr. Hesom just came in!'
So, I got into a room right away, and Dr. Hesom came in. She did an internal exam and said everything felt fine. Then she tried to find a heartbeat. She didn't find one, but said that at 11 weeks, it was highly unlikely anyway. She said she thought that everything was fine, but booked an ultrasound appointment for Friday morning just to be sure.
I went to have the ultrasound Friday morning. When it was all over, the tech told me I could go, and I asked if she could at least tell me if there was a baby/heartbeat. She said that my doctor would call me in the afternoon. Problem is, Dr. Hesom was working in the ER all night, so she wasn't in during the day. I told the tech this, and she reluctantly told me that there was no baby to be found, only a sack. She said that the baby probably died shortly after implantation.
I managed to make it home through my tears. And that's kind of where we're at now. I have the option of a D&C, but honestly, that terrifies me. I think I will wait and see if everything will come out on its own.
Emotionally, I'm not really sure where I'm at. Today I feel OK. There is just a big whole there in my heart though. I feel kind of empty. I just want to hide at home and not talk to people, but I'm guessing that won't be an option. I'm really dreading church tomorrow, and all the people who will think I am still pregnant. What do I tell them?