This last week has been a struggle. First Emery got sick. Just when I was thankful to get a better night's sleep, she was waking many times again. Then Rowan got sick. He is home from school for the third day in a row. I thought for sure he'd be back today, but he just doesn't feel good yet. Tonight is supposed to be his school Christmas program. Right now I'm not very hopeful that we'll make it. I'm so sad! The very first school program for our family, and we'll likely miss it :(
Part of having sick kids at home means that I am home with them all day. Last week I made it out to get groceries, and that was about it. Keith and I also were gone for Saturday for his work banquet, and then Sunday night was our church Christmas banquet. It's been a really long long week. I'm really struggling with staying positive. My prayer all day and night (when I'm up) is that I will have patience. But you know what? I so quickly turn into "Angry Mom". I never thought I was an angry person, but somehow it all comes out when my kids are disobedient and whining. It's a huge struggle for me.
I've been struggling with this all for a while now. I was so thankful in Fall when our church started a parenting course called Growing Kids God's Way. It seemed like a lifeline for me. But doing it as a church group has proved to be very frustrating for me. The lessons take 2 weeks instead of one, and there isn't a real good discussion time. I find myself getting more and more discouraged because I just am not getting anywhere with it. I'd love to do this with a smaller group.
I feel like a real failure as a parent. Why can't I figure it out? Why can't I get through to my kids? I knew parenting was hard, but this is just eating at me. I want to find joy in parenting, but right now it's just not happening.