Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Uncertainty

There is one thing that is really weighing on me this pregnancy, and I'm having a hard time handing it over to the Lord.  I do not have a healthcare provider that delivers babies.

I can see my regular Doctor through most of the pregnancy, but she will not deliver.  I already knew she didn't deliver babies anymore, so I had contacted the midwives office as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test.  And I test early, people.  I was still a week away from getting my period when I tested positive!

Anyway, despite calling that early, I was not able to get a midwife.  There is only 1 midwife currently working in the area, and as you can imagine, she is swamped with requests.  I cried when I got my reject letter.

After having an amazing midwife with Emery, it just feels like a total let down to not be able to have that experience again.  I know many people are very happy with their Doctors.  Heck, I love mine too, and I so wish she would still deliver babies.  But it is not meant to be.

So I'm left feeling kind of helpless and very sad.  I'm not the kind of person who doesn't care who is there to deliver the baby.  I care very much, even in that crazy moment.  I don't want someone to tell me when I have to push, and rush me along.  I've done this people!  I know how my body births babies.  Yes, something could be different this time, I'm well aware, but all three of my previous births were very normal.

I know I just need to give up that feeling of control.  God cares.  He wants what is best for me too.  I'm just really struggling with it right now.

3 comments:

Andrea said...

Aw Stacey...that is hard. I'm very much the same when it comes to caring about who births my babies...it really does matter....

I'll pray that something would work out...& for peace about the whole situation!

P.S. How does that work then? Do you just get whichever Dr. is working/on call to deliver the baby?

Drea said...

so sorry :( - i know how you feel tho.
At the place im at its all doctors, no midwives. I think you know that already tho :) - the midwives they do offer are at another location but I was not offered this until much later in my pregnancy... and now that im already through it so far, theres no point switching. I doubt id have time to get to know them.

either way, whoever delivers this baby, I WONT KNOW. Ive learn to be ok with this... as long as baby is safe and I get the birth experience I want, then I am ok.

I just am having to take other steps to insure this with an obgyn. Birth plan write up, a friend to serve as a doula for support... and of course Travis.

The rest will fall into place :)

At this practice there are 6-8 doctors... who I get... we will see. :)

Kalle said...

I haven't had a midwife so I can't compare the two but with Emmett my doctor wasn't able to deliver him because she didn't have time to get to the hospital. She did deliver Kennedy and though both births went well (Kennedy's a little more scary) I really appreciated and felt more secure with my doctor of choice.

Praying that you find peace with this pregnancy and that you have a great doctor on call when the time comes.