I can see my regular Doctor through most of the pregnancy, but she will not deliver. I already knew she didn't deliver babies anymore, so I had contacted the midwives office as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test. And I test early, people. I was still a week away from getting my period when I tested positive!
Anyway, despite calling that early, I was not able to get a midwife. There is only 1 midwife currently working in the area, and as you can imagine, she is swamped with requests. I cried when I got my reject letter.
After having an amazing midwife with Emery, it just feels like a total let down to not be able to have that experience again. I know many people are very happy with their Doctors. Heck, I love mine too, and I so wish she would still deliver babies. But it is not meant to be.
So I'm left feeling kind of helpless and very sad. I'm not the kind of person who doesn't care who is there to deliver the baby. I care very much, even in that crazy moment. I don't want someone to tell me when I have to push, and rush me along. I've done this people! I know how my body births babies. Yes, something could be different this time, I'm well aware, but all three of my previous births were very normal.
I know I just need to give up that feeling of control. God cares. He wants what is best for me too. I'm just really struggling with it right now.